Why would a perfect person choose me? In other words, should I expect a perfect person to settle for a relationship with me. With me, the “recovering idiot.” When I say that I’m a recovering idiot, I mean that I have personality traits and habits that occasionally irritate or disappoint Mary Beth. Somehow she’s put up with these imperfections for over 40 years. Just when I think I’m getting better, I slip up and act a bit like a jerk. I guess I’m not a jerk; but sometimes I just act like a jerk.
Welcome to planet earth. The planet where opposites attract, then after the honeymoon find out that attractive opposites can frequently be different and irritating. Fortunately, being imperfect doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.
Can we be happy just being perfectly imperfect for each other?
When a spouse dies the survivor’s grief is most painful when they realize that the very things that drove them crazy during the marriage are missing. Their grief floods over them when they see an uncluttered bathroom floor without dirty laundry, or they don’t trip over the pair of shoes left in front of the doorway. The absence of their deceased spouse’s idiosyncrasies is what brings the tears. Their imperfections were what made them, them.
Learning to accept the traits that made your spouse who they are is what makes a marriage. Learning to honor and respect—even love and appreciate—the imperfections of your spouse is what makes a great marriage. The good, the bad—yes, even the imperfections, are the sum total of who your life-partner is.
I don’t mean accepting jerk behavior. Being abusive, overly-critical, demeaning, unforgiving, or hurtful isn’t healthy. Repeat offenders may need counseling, not appreciation. Something broken that causes a spouse to hurt the person they are supposed to cherish needs to be fixed.
However, as author Tom Robbins says, "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
At our Love for Life workshops, we explore the specific exercises that will unlock the inner desires of you and your spouse. Knowing what we want or don’t want and sharing that with a spouse isn’t a commitment—it’s understanding. And understanding is the key to love. Learn more at a Love for Life workshop. Schedules are posted on our website.